Everything is new

У меня лишь 10 дней.

Закончить дипломную работу может быть удастся. А решать что делать с моей жизней, нет.

Déjà vu

When you read something you're not probably supposed to read, how guilty are you really?

I mean: the moment in which the act of reading (hearing, seeing...) something you shouldn't hae read (heard, seen...) actually becomes "a bad thing" is probably the moment in which the person who wrote (said, did...) the thing you read (heard, saw, ok enough) finds out that you read it. Because that is the moment when they feel the shame/anger/disappointment... But as long as they don't know, and thus don't feel the shame, anger etc, what have you done wrong really? I suppose this is a big rave of mine that comes after reading something I probably was not supposed to read (no really?!). Anyway, mine is an actual question, not just a way of justifying myself. I think sometimes the guilt arises in the moment you read what you're not supposed to read, sometimes when the writer finds out. It probably depends on what it is you read, they wrote. In my case I think I'm safe, nothing tragic will happen because I have read what I have read.

Now, I was all for a politic post tonight (because of something I watched yesterday, but I might still write about it so there's no point in explaining it now), but then something else happened - the reading, that is. I was actually just looking for blog sites because after vox shut down, I'm not sure I will stay on TypePad. I moved here basically because I did not want to lose my posts, I am a lazy blogger and years may pass without me writing a single word, but I have to say I am pretty happy with what I have written so far, so I really don't want to lose it. I will skip over the reasons why I'm not sure I want to stay here, because it's been a couple of paragraphs already and I havent really said anything... which is nothing terrible, I don't think anyone reads this anyway.

So I was looking for possible alternatives; for some reasons, the thought hits me that a friend of mine used to have a blog on a certain site, so I go there to check it out, and I  also look for my friend's blog, to see if it's still running.

Turns out it is, and the owner must have guessed I had forgotten about it because there were a few posts about me, scattered here and there in the last few pages. Now I'm not going to say much about it because just as I found that blog, this could be found as well (and that would mean the actualization of that moment I talked about before... when the writers realizes you have read). But I will say that I was amused at first, then more like... hit. It made me think. First, I didn't expect at all to find posts about me. Secondly, not that kind of post. Nothing bad, on the contrary, but I did not expect that. I'm not sure whether I should reconsider some things I think, or re-evaluate some things I said and did, or just forget about it. Maybe the latter. Maybe not.

Sometimes my boyfriend needs to remind me that there's a person on the other end of our relationship, and I think he rightly does so. Sometimes I feel it myself, that I do not consider other people to be persons. Not in a bad way, I don't kill them or use them or betray them; I do my best to be a loyal, trustworthy friend, a good and helping daughter and sister, and a caring, loving girlfriend. But at the same time, probably there are times when I act as if other people had no feelings. I could say I just don't "put myself in their shoes", I do not try and think what I would feel in their situation, and go on my own way, blind to what happens outside myself. Obviously this is not a very nice thing of me, but I'm guessing my brain must do that for a reason... Sometimes taking into account the feelings of other people can be too hard, hurt too much, because your own pain is not as painful as being aware that someone else is suffering because of you.

Anyway all this raving was just to say that I might have done the same to this person. But at the same time, I also have to say that I did not get a great treatmen either; I was hidden things, kept in ambivalence, told what they thought I wanted to be told, in short, I will not describe myself as the butler of the situation (I guess this metaphore does not make sense unless I remind you that the butler is always the guilty one).

I also am not sure what the point with this post is. I guess I just wanted to think about it and writing is for me a great way of thinking.

Music: Something for Kate
Mood: undescribable

Sentirsi in prigione. A me capita quando sono in Italia, specialmente se ho le catene.

E io non so come liberarmi, o magari non ne ho semplicemente il coraggio.

ciao ragazze!

Ma nessuno ancora si è stufato di vedere migliaia di ragazze più o meno esperte che si improvvisano nuove Clio e vengono a darci consigli per il trucco che spesso e volentieri sono copiati da qualcun altro più bravo? O di quelle che fanno mille review e altre cose di cui nn ricordo neanche il nome perché non so cosa siano, e ci dicono: ho comprato questo questo e quest'altro, allora questo è buono, dura tanto, questo mi ha delusa, perché il colore non era come volevo, e questo insomma, va bene solo se... specialmente quelle che mettono un piccolo disclaimer da qualche parte sul loro sito o sulla pagina di youtube: tutti i prodotti sono stati acquistati da me personalmente! Come se fossero così brave e famose che tutte le marche del mondo le contattano per fare pubblicità ai propri prodotti? Addirittura ne ho vista una che diceva in un video che se qualcuno avesse voluto mandarle qualcosa, avrebbe potuto contattarla.... ma dai!

Premetto che a me i tutorial piacciono molto e trovo queste review utili quando ho intenzione di comprare qualcosa... MA! quando sono fatte bene! E poi, bene o non bene, ce ne sono un po' troppe in giro che vogliono diventare makeup artists con l'unica esperienza di trucco fatta la mattina prima di andare a scuola... Se lo vogliono fare ci sono scuole apposta e poi forse possono anche venire a dare consigli a destra e a manca. Non mi metto nemmeno a parlare di una ragazzina di forse 8 anni che voleva mostrarmi i modi migliori per mettere l'ombretto (ho commentato anche, dicendo di lasciar perdere il trucco e concentrarsi sulla grammatica, per il momento).

Insomma, questa mania che si sta diffondendo ora è abbastanza fastidiosa. Ce ne sono anche per la nail art, però lì la maggior parte almeno sono bravine. Anche a me piace molto il trucco, la nail art e quant'altro, ma mi limto a guardare i video di Michelle Phan (che è il mio "guru", che è una parola che fa molto figo), senza pretendere di dare consigli non richiesti in giro per il web. Al massimo faccio le unghia e le sopracciglie alle mie sorelle.

Che poi mi si può chiedere, in effetti, chi me l'ha chiesta la mia opinione sui makeup tutorial di youtube? Nessuno me l'ha chiesta, ma ora i poveri sfigati che capitano qui se la devono tenere.

I don't know what I want, but I do know what I DON'T want

What is wrong with women?

It honestly amazes me, how most of them apparently look forward to finding a man, marrying him and having kids, and living happily ever after. I'm probably saying this because, willy nilly I live in Italy now, where the idea of family is too old-fashioned for my taste and the fight for emancipation has taken an unexpected twist: whereas somewhere else it means that now there are politicians, managers, important parts of civil society who are, at the same time, women, and possibly wives and mothers, here most of the few women in politics have probably bought their position with sex, and if they are in some important position within industries, firms and such, they're either unmarried or ugly. Of course people don't realize that women are trapped in a male chauvinist society which expects them to serve men with sex and children: it's plenty of useless half-naked women on tv, and this is for most italians the clear sign that we're finally free, because their nudity marks the difference between "us" and "them", them being the muslim. I wonder what's worse for a woman, to be forced to wear a veil and hide herself completely, or to be psychologically forced to unveil completely, convinced that that's the only way to actually give their life a meaning.

There is one thing that is worse than male chauvinism, which is women's male chauvinism. This culture is so densely impregnated with this kind of mentality that it looks like there is no other way of living for a woman than getting married and bear the weight of their happy family life. Fuck that! And fuck everyone who says that being a teacher is the best job for a woman because it allows her to be home for half the day and for three months in the summer, to look after the kids. It's all bullshit!

I also don't want to live in Italy. And what's wrong with that? Why does it seem something so unacceptable to some people? There's plenty of italians who understood life abroad is way better than here, and I don't want to be in a jail for the rest of my life.

If someone doesn't want to accept it, I believe sooner or later will have to deal with it anyway.

Music: Transatlanticism - Death cab for cutie
Mood: angry and frustrated

Shuffle horoscope

1. Put your music player on shuffle.

2. Press forward for each question.

3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.

(this is the second or third time I do this... but first, I find it a good way to get myself used to blogging again; and secondly, I have the feeling it will give me the measure of how much I changed and how much things changed in the last few years)

 

1. How are you feeling today?

Love is no big truth (KoC) - not true :P but of course the song does give the impression that the title is not really meant...

2. Will you get far in life?

I'm like a bird (Nelly Furtado) - apparently, yes... :) that was a good answer!

3. How do your friends see you?

Hurricane (Athlete) - ahahaha I really don't think so... although well, I'm guessing some would and it is not a totally false description of me

4. What is today going to be like?

Void (Darren Hayes) - Do I even have this song? or better: what song is this?? anyway - not true! Besides the fact that it's almost 8pm, so if anything the question should have been "what has today been like", and also not considering the fact that I woke up like.. six hours ago :P - anyway, I went running today! and I might be going out tonight so not void no no no.

5. What is in store for you this weekend?

I love (Athlete) - Bit ambiguous. Of course I love, but not just on the weekends. Besides, it's saturday night already!

6. What song describes you?

Winding road (Bonnie Sommerville) - I don't even know why I haven't deleted this kind of annoying song yet (maybe because it was supposed to come up as answer to this question???) - but it's a pretty good title to describe me (not the lyrics though: And I can see you standing there washing your car -????????- and I can see California sun in your hair -!!!!!!!!!- My life is not a lame OC episode!)

7. To describe your grandparents?

Katie (Missy Higgins) - no, none of them committed suicide. The shuffle got it wrong this time.

8. How is your life going?

Superstar (Luther Vandross) - the title sounds really cool, but the songis terribly sad, almost suicidal I'd say!

9. What song will they play at your funeral?

The sound of silence (Simon & Garfunkel) - Sounds amazingly apt for a funeral! But maybe I'd like something a bit happier... to counterbalance...

10. How does the world see you?

Modern Mafia (Athlete) - Ahahahahahahhaahahahhahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!! Is it because I'm in Australia and this is a typical stereotype for italians???? ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

11. Will you have a happy life?

L'immenso (Negramaro) - Looks like I will...

12. What do you friends really think of you?

Special K (Placebo) - Well hopefully they do think I'm special...otherwise it means they see me as some sort of cereals...

13. Do people secretly lust after you?

All mixed (311) - Apparently they do, very much!!

14. How can I make myself happy?

Невыразымая печаль (Эльмира Галеева) - "Unexprimable sadness" .... no comment...

15. What should you do with your life?

 Zombie (Cranberries) - ?????

16. Will you ever have children?

Learning to breathe (Switchfoot) - What, so many that I won't have the time to breathe?

17. How would you describe your wife/husband?

В голове моей г. (Ума2рман) - where г. stands for  говёшка, which means shit: shit in my head. God I'm scared. 

18. What will your career be like?

If I found out (Athlete) - so... unemployed?

19. Finally, what would your tombstone say?

Sway (Michael Bublé) - Sounds good.

 

 

QotD: Eat Your Veggies

Today is "Eat Your Vegetables Day." What vegetable do you love to eat? Hate?

 

Ahaha this is easy. I dont like most veggies.

I love tomatoes, and like carrots (but only raw), and lettuce. I can stand zucchini. Hate peppers. and eggplants.

geography

Ma sì, mi piace l'idea che a volte dei completi sconosciuti passano di qui e leggono quello che ho da dire... e mi piace anche quando mi lasciano qualche commento.

Stavo rileggendo dei vecchi post oggi, di alcuni quasi mi vergogno, di alcuni mi pento e me li rimangerei volentieri, alcuni mi hanno fatto troppo ridere.

E la conclusione è stata che, anche se non mi sono presa cura di questo vox con grande costanza, mi piace ciò che ci ho scritto, come l'ho scritto, perché l'ho scritto, e il fatto che pochissimi lo conoscono. Quindi credo di riprenderlo e forse, e dico forse, potrei anche farlo un po' più seriamente.

Ho letto in qualche vecchio post che qualcuno (ormai non ricordo neanche più chi) mi aveva detto che le cose non vanno mai come le si pianifica. E in qualche altro post leggevo di grandi piani che mi ero fatta per un futuro che ormai è passato; piani che ovviamente non si sono mai realizzati.

Però una cosa devo dirla, dopo tanto parlarne, sono in Australia. Nel frattempo sono stata anche sei mesi in Russia, e se devo proprio fare un paragone, forse avrei preferito tornare lì invece che venire a Melbourne, però in fin dei conti sono contenta di aver fatto entrambe le cose (qui l'uso del passato è contestabile, visto che in effetti sono anora in Australia. Ma visto che tra meno di un mese tornerò in Italia, me lo posso concedere). L'Australia non è né quello che mi aspettavo, né altro; non so come dire. Forse è qualcosa che non avevo calcolato. Un po' artificiale. La gente è simpatica e aperta, gentile, le opportunità sicuramene sono esponenzialmente maggiori che in Italia, eccetera eccetera... ma è un po' costruita, l'Australia in sé, un po' finta, la trasposizione di un pezzo d'Europa in un posto in cui gli Europei non hanno diritto di stare. Eppure ci stanno.

Per vari motivi che non è il caso di rendere di dominio pubblico, l'Australia non è più comunque il Paese dei sogni. Semplicemente, è un Paese. Punto.

Potrei perdere un sacco di tempo anche a raccontare della Russia, o meglio della Siberia, e di un sacco di cose, ma forse non ne vale la pena. Provare a descrivere sei mesi in qualche riga, intendo. L'importante è che mi rimanga dentro, ma questo è assodato.

Quindi, eccola.

White. Breath.
Ice cracking - echo. White.
What do dreamless people dream of?
I have come till here,
and I will walk on through
nothingness.
This is not earth, this is
Water, I am
crossing it from side to side,
walking on it,
on little frozen air bubbles.
On unlucky fish.
On snowpowder.
Ice cracking.

Pok...

Ice cracking -
Breath. White.

White.
White.
White.
White.
White.
What do dreamless people dream of?
Baykal.

Pok.

Music: Кино, Война
Mood: not wanting to study. 

 

Чудесная страна

Недавно гостила в чудесной стране,

Там плещутся рифы в янтарной волне

В тенистых садах там застыли века

И цвета фламинго плывут облака.

В холмах изумрутных сверкает река,

Как сказка прекрасна, как сон глубоко

И хочется ей до блестящей луны

Достать золотистою пеной волны

 

Меня ты поймёшь,

лучше страны не найдёшь,

меня ты поймёшь, лучше страны не найдёшь...

 

 

(Жанна Агузарова)

Nihon!

Yes yes it's been a long time since I've been writing here (but I doubt anybody really realized heheheh) so anyway....

I just remembered that I have a lot of Japan lovers in my "Neighborhood" here, so I thought I'd drop a line about my next holidays ;)

Not that I know these girls. For some reason they've added me and I have to admit I sometimes (very rarely, cause I'm here very rarely) go and curiously check out what they write (I hope they don't mind, but after all it was them who added me in the first place.... anyway that's not the point).

My point was simply that I thought about them and decided to quickly write something on here about the fact that I'm going to Japan in Sept ;) (quickly, because I never have time, and now I'm really tired and I need to have a shower and go straight to bed...)

Soooo yes I'm going to Japan! Even though I think nobody reads my vox at all, I'll just say for the passer by's that I'm so excited about it.

In spite of all my initial mistrust for the Japanese culture... lately I've found myself quite interested. I'm trying to learn a few words (konnichiwa, watashi wa Veronica desu, watashi wa itariajin desu... nihongo ga wakarimasen.. demo eigo ga wakarimasu! kore wa nan desu ka? ichi ni san shi go roku nana hachi jyu kyu... and yeah that's about all).

I've met a few Japanese people lately  (during my stay in Austria, which, kstati, is over :'(!! ) and the truth is that you can't NOT love them! They're all so cute and kind and polite and nice!!
Now, they are weird sometimes... and by that I mean that I think you can tell when they are being nice and polite because they honestly like you, but sometimes it's hard to tell whether they're not actually ONLY being polite because they have to, but you're not sure if what you're doing is actually pleasing them or not... whatever your intentions may be...) - - Yeah this has left me a little bewildered once or twice. But still.

I explored possibilties, I decided on a direct flight Rome-Tokyo, I booked and bought my Lonelyplanet guide. Updated February 2008, couldn't ask for more, and I read it in my spare time (which means I haven't read too much yet....)

I dont have a specific plan yet. And probably I never will, I'm not a planning person, by which I mean that I (sometimes and only in some situations) try to be, but even when I do, I always fail.

What I have is a few ideas in mind, places to go and things to do (and counting...), which I will (try to) do, but when, how, etc, that's up to adventure... some examples:

Main cities to visit: Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka

Things to do: play pachinko, sleep in a Manga kissa, eat REAL sushi, buy a breath-taking camera, buy a kimono, possibly attend a tea ceremony (and possibly actually learning something about how to do it)....

...and counting...

Now if my Japan-addicted "neighbors" have any suggestion, I would me extremely glad to hear them!

In the meantime I can suggest a couple of movies to anybody......

First and foremost,

MEMORIES OF MATSUKO (Karaware Matsuko no Issho) - one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's about a young boy who doesnt really care much about life and how to live it, until his father asks him to go and gather the things her dead aunt left... the guy didn't even know he had an aunt, and this trip to her house becomes a trip into her life which he discovers to have been adventurous and lively and changing and tragic and intense. It's a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful movie. It's from a book, I dont know the title or the author though (probably the title is the same as  the movie's... but I couldn't bet)

second movie,

KAMIKAZE GIRLS (Shimotsuma Monogatari), un altro film veramente bello, sull'amicizia e sull'essere diversi... la protagonista è una ragazza che si veste in modo assurdo (stile rococo, e pare che in giappone si vestano strani forte, ma lei deve essere peggio degli altri perché è additata da varia gente che la prende per eccentrica...), che conosce e fa amicizia con una ragazza che fa parte di una banda di motocicliste... quindi l'esatto contrario, la prima indipendente e del tutto disinteressata a cosa gli altri pensino di lei, insensibile al punto di non sentire neanche la solitudine, la seconda con la faccia da dura ma in realtà attaccata al gruppo e a tutte le persone che hanno fatto qualcosa per lei durante la sua vita. Finché non si insegnano qualcosa a vicenda.

Il regista è sempre lo stesso, Tetsuya Nakashima. Un regista da approfondire...

Per ora mata ne! e anzi, oyasumi..

 

 

Mood: tired and sleepy but excited and good

Music: Darren Hayes, How to build a time machine